summer bucket list

I recently made the decision to take the summer off, well with the exception of teaching one course as an adjunct. When you have several little ones and worlds most amazing nanny left you to go to college on the other side of the planet :( you realize quickly how it's just easier to put work life on hold and immerse yourself into the chaos that is summer. 

I've spent the past 2 days considering how we will fill our long summer days- one can only run through the sprinkler so many times before that gets old. I've come up with quite a list for the kids- activities that involve the public library, the public pool, museums etc. Now I feel the need to structure some routine and activities for myself so that I can arrive at August and recap my summer with a feeling of "heck yea, I did all that."

So here is my bucket list for summer of 2012

1. arrive at August with some amount of my sanity intact- I just need enough to work with, you know, a starting point to reclaim it in full once the kids go back to school

2. to have at least one pedicure at some point

3. to complete the 30 Day Burn with Jillian Michaels- it's 20 minutes a day- I can spare that- I hope

4. to read one book per week (we did sign up for the summer reading program at the library- I'm going for the prizes!)

5. to sink my toes and my in shape buttocks into the sand at Edisto Beach. (Obviously since I made reference to my butt being in shape this trip will not happen until after I complete the 30 day burn)

6. to sink my toes and my out of shape buttocks into the sand at Edisto Beach (I'm covering my bases incase I'm too lazy to complete the 30 Day Burn)

7. to blog at least once a week

8. to use the roll of Kodachrome film I bought off e-Bay 6 months ago- I cannot explain why I'm afraid to actually shoot the roll of film

9. I'll be launching a photography club at my kids school this fall- I want to be super organized and have cool projects planned

10. to get my hair cut- no really- the length is ridiculous. I'm either cutting it or running with dread locks

11. to traverse this country with my 3 youngest to go visit my runaway nanny (aka my oldest daughter), my mom, my sister, my niece and nephew and soon to be new niece (they're getting married this fall) these people are the roots in my life

12. to see a movie- alone- or with another adult- I don't even care which movie

13. to sleep in one morning and wake naturally- waking to a 3 year old holding a booger in your face asking if he can eat it is not a natural way to wake

14. to have successfully convinced the 3 year old that the world is not his urinal- I really need this done before my trip home- otherwise my mother may have a heart attack the first time he pulls his pants down in Chic Fil A to go potty while standing in line to visit the cow

15. to take more pictures than my computer can hold

16. to make memories with my kids that they will talk about the rest of their lives

17. to laugh hard enough to blow milk through my nose at least once a day

18. to beat this random person I've been playing Scramble with- just once I want to beat him/her- for 2 months this person has owned me-every single time we play!

19. to come home from my beach trip with a collection of sharks teeth that I find with my kids- to add to our collection

20. to be present in each and every moment

what about you? do you have a summer bucket list?

some lessons learned about raising an introverted son

As an extravert raising a son who is an introvert, I have learned to really stretch my parenting approaches. I wish I could tell you that I added these new tools as a consequence of thoughtful research and deliberate practice. The truth is, I learned some new strategies for raising my introvert as a consequence of experience and trial and error. Here are some things that I've learned: 

1. when I pick my children up from school I intentionally avoid asking my son about the details of his day. Having spent hours extraverting himself in a classroom environment, he needs the quiet to re-energize.

2. By dinner he is often ready to tell me about the details of his day- he likes/needs/prefers to share these details in their entirety, without interuptions- I make sure that I make myself available to him when I know I won't need to stir dinner and when the other kids are busy playing. Which can get tricky because my extraverted daughter seems to have a radar and is immediately drawn to the conversation and wants so badly to interject her commentary!

3. While my son has some down time after school until dinner time, I've learned that the process of dinner, homework, baths, reading, praying etc.requires full immersion on his part which leaves him a bit edgy just before bed. What he craves in that hour before sleep is to be completely alone to read, draw or write- so while they all head off to bed at a certain time, "lights out" isn't for another hour.

4. I used to worry that he didn't seem overly interested in the emotions etc of his family/friends- I've since come to realize that this is my extraverted personality placing expectations on his behavior. As an extravert I tend to show immediate response and talk thru the experience and emotions with others. He doesn't process his emotions out loud and he is deliberate when he does speak- therefore he doesn't always give an immediate response-this does not translate to not caring- he expresses his emotions in his way at his pace.

5. I thrive on going, going, going and being around others- he does not. This really has it's greatest impact on us during the summer when I'm trying to keep the kids busy during the long hot days of summer. I don't enjoy being stuck in the house all day (though with the heat you'd think I would) so, I'm learning to compromise- he really doesn't need, nor does he enjoy, back to back or all day camp sessions (though my girl would love it). Summer activities are not a one size fits all so how I plan for my daughter is quite different than how I plan for him.

Our population seems to be made up primarily of extraverts and I think introverts are often misunderstood or worse, they feel like their is something wrong with them for not wanting to go all the time, for not having a high need to interact with greater frequency. Do you have an introverted child/ren? In what ways have you learned to meet their needs?

screw mom guilt, take the short cut!

One of the biggest challenges of motherhood is mom guilt. To make matters worse, our suffering from guilt is well established and capitlized upon, just look at this months issue of Time Magazine. How thoughtful of them to shove in our faces the question that we torment ourselves with already "Am I mom enough?" Moms are truly accidental masochist with our tendencies to subject ourselves to unnecessary suffering. It's that unrelenting belief that we have to say "yes" to every request and that we have to give 100% to every task completing it with perfection- all with a smile on our face. OK, this may be somewhat of an exaggeration, but you see my point. I've said this often but it's worth repeating, our children do not expect perfection from us, so why do we? Food for thought- just because it's technically possible to pull something off, doesn't mean that you should. It's ok to take short cuts and it's ok to say "NO." Oh...and screw the media for perpetuating mom guilt.

I am a firm believer in short cuts simply because there are some tasks associated with motherhood that I do not enjoy- at all. My logic is this, if I can find ways to get around these tasks, then I am freed up to engage in the parts of motherhood that I enjoy more :)

So I thought I'd share with you some of the short cuts that I take and some of the ways I say "no."

Shortcuts:

1. Instead of home cooked cupcakes for that school party, I pick them up from the grocery store bakery

2. Lunchables are great- no time for deli sandwhich making here

3. The setting on the dryer "wrinkle release" is there for a reason, use it- ditch the iron

4. Older siblings are a fabulous resource for helping the younger ones finish their homework. It's a win-win-win. The older child gets the opportunity to demonstrate teaching/leadership skills (while being exposed once again to the learning concept) the younger one completes the home work and my time is freed up to ensure that the 2 year old isn't attempting to use Biggie the chihuahua as a ride on toy

5. It's ok to eat cereal for dinner on occasion- honestly, I'm the coolest mom on the planet when I whip out a box of cereal and yell "dinner!"

Ways to say "NO"

1. Deflect-  When cornered at school to lead an activity or head up a committee that you simply do not have time for deflect- "oh, that sounds like fun and I'd love to help but I'm not sure I can get a babysitter."

2. Blame your spouse- "Oh, I'd love to but <insert husbands name> has something going on that day"

3. Offer other options- "I'm certain that I don't have time to run the concession stand that day but if there is something I can work on at home to prepare for the event I'd be happy to"

4. Simply say no- "I'd love to help with this event but right now I simply do not have time in my schedule, please let me know how I can help with the next event"

OK- your turn, what are some short cuts that you take and how do you avoid the "yes" trap?

some of the funnier things I have said to my children...

"Motherhood has a very humanizing effect. Everything gets reduced to essentials." ~ Meryl Streep

It's inevitable, if you have kids or babysit or work in childcare etc. you will find yourself making some of the most outrageous comments....you say things you wouldn't otherwise! Here's a list of ridiculous things I have said to my children over the years...

1. no honey, you may not try to flush your brother down the toilet, he'll plug it and I don't know where I put the plunger.

2. no honey, you can't see a fart in real life, only in the cartoons.

3. It's an interesting thought but clouds are not a by product of God having gas, God doesn't fart clouds.

4. Honey please don't pee on your sister.

5. No, I promise, you can't poop your brains out.

6. Sweetheart why are you lapping water out of the cats dish?

7. Honey do you really need to keep the dead moths as your pet? We can look for something living.

8. Why are you licking my arm?

9. OK, take the toilet seat off your head before you get your head stuck! I am not driving to the ER with your face in a toilet seat.

10. Get your naked bottom off the table!

11. Is that a Fruit Loop in your nose? For the love of all things holy, how did you do that?

12. No, you may not sniff your brothers bottom!

13. Honey, next time you need to blow your nose tell mommy, I'll get you some tissue- please don't use my shirt anymore.

14. Come here lil' man so I can tie up your dress before you trip on it.

15. Is that poop or chocolate on your foot? No don't lick it to find out!

So tell me, what are some funny things you've said to your kids?

Happy Mother's day to all of you beautiful moms!

Is your child and Inny or an Outy?

While not as obvious as an inny or outy belly button, a child's preferences for introversion or extraversion is probably the most easily observed of the personality preferences…unfortunately, it's also the least understood. Society tends to reduce introversion and extraversion to mean shy or talkative. While everyone needs time both alone and with others, the difference between introversion and extraversion is how much time is needed alone and how much time is needed with others. Which mode represents the best environment for your child to engage in a natural way.  Or as it is often represented, where do they get their energy? Here are some of the key differences between introverted and extraverted children.

Introverts

• Think things through before speaking
• Wait and watch before getting involved
• More concerned about how others affect them
• Like to concentrate on one person or thing at a time
• More thoughtful, private and reserved
• Are life's specialist – they are selective about activities that they engage in and pursue their interest at a higher level
• Are energized by introspection
• As a rule is you don't know what an introvert is thinking, you probably didn't ask or wait long enough for him to tell you!

Extraverts

• Think out loud, often forming their thoughts and opinions by talking them through out loud
• Jump without hesitating into social situations
• More concerned about how they affect others
• Like variety and action
• Are life's generalist – more likely to express interest and want to pursue a broad range of activities
• More expressive and enthusiastic
• Energized by interaction
• As a rule, if you don't know what an extravert is thinking, you haven't been listening!

Neither preferences I right or wrong. However, our social conventions can be so rigid that they don't allow for a child's natural preferences.  So as parents we can become embarrassed or have misguided concerns about our children that prompt us to push our kids in ways that are unnatural for them. This leaves the child feeling like there must be something wrong with them.

We are a society that bombards our children with stimulus. Introverted children, consequently, respond to this bombardment by withdrawing, needing time alone to process their experiences. Extraverted children can become over stimulated, needing people to talk to as a way or sorting through the experience.

As a society there is a cultural preference for extraversion, despite the fact that the American population is evenly split, 50% extraverts, 50% introverts.  But because extraverts talk more and in general are louder, it is hard for introverts to be heard.  Extraverts tend to set the standards resulting in an unfair and untrue bias that introverts are somehow lacking.

As parents we need to be willing to observe our children and identify which mode, whether it is interaction with others or introspection with self is most natural for our children. We want to honor and respect their natural preference for engaging with their world. 

*originally posted May 2011